he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
you had me at cake vodka
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
