what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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