She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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