If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
