ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
