I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize