This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
two words: eviction party
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
