I want to stick my p in your. b.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
