I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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