Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
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