Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
