i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
