i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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