this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
