Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
