Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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