His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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