i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
