Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
