ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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