Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
