I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
