you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
