He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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