So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
