I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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