who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He's a Shit stain on my heart
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
