We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
