I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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