goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
we're making bets on your personal life
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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