You can't motorboat a personality
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
