I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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