somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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