Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
