I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
