My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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