"it" just moved
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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