its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
do nipples grow back?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
