I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
