I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
