I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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