There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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