literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize