drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
