apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
