Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
