I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
