we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
