Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Randomize
