normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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