Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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