did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
only you would photoshop your dick
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
