I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
