Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
