Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
