I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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