I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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