I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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