Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize