my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
