He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize