You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
