the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
