she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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