I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Randomize
