This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
