allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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