We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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