Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
