I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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