bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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