I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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