ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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