happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
