Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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