I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
