i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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