Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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