just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
