Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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