Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
