I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
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