I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
