Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
