If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
