My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
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