What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
