I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
