Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
