Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
