My room smells like vodka and shame
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
This is the prime rib incident all over again
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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