i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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