the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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