Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
