No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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