Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
