So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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