I hate all girls vehemently.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
