Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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