i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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